I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
