I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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