ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
