how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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