My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
