So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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