I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
