either way he was missing a nipple.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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