I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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