Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
