Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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