I love black thongs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
