There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
