I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
