I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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