i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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