I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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