I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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