I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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