New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
