she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
