I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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