...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
