Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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