I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
