Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
