Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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