if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
