Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
