i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And then my night got REAL pukey
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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