i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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