last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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