if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
