I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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