Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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