I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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