In the future we'll all be gay
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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