i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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