He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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