The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
