mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
