so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You've changed since you got that strap on
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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