Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
