Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
