Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
