I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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