my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
