I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
