He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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