ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
