did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
