i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
