you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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