In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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