we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The ass gains better be worth it
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