I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
