i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
