Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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