How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
