she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
