These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Drake has all the answers
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
