what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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