I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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