Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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