I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
