I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
