I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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