remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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