I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize