Non-Jews are for practice
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
