If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
