i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
